Thanksgiving is less than two months away, and if you are separated, you may still be wondering who will spend the turkey dinner with the children and who will be present on Christmas morning.
New York does not have one standard holiday schedule, so you and your co-parent are free to negotiate your own arrangement, and a judge will usually approve a plan that genuinely serves your children’s best interests. Here are five common approaches to dividing the time.
1. Alternating the holidays from year to year
You spend Thanksgiving with the children in even years and your co-parent spends it with them in odd years, so the holiday alternates automatically. This arrangement is straightforward and equitable on paper, and the court system’s sample parenting plan form includes designated columns for it.
The drawback is the lengthy wait, because if it is not your year for Thanksgiving, you will not celebrate that holiday with your children until the following November.
2. Assigning specific holidays to each parent
You might always have Thanksgiving while your co-parent always has Christmas, or the other way around. This approach works especially well when one holiday carries considerably more significance for one of you, but it can quickly become a source of resentment if either of you feels you received the less meaningful occasion.
3. Splitting a single holiday into two parts
Your children might spend breakfast and gift opening with you and then enjoy dinner with your co-parent, or the reverse. Establish an exact transition time and allow additional minutes for traffic, because anyone who has crawled along the Long Island Expressway the day before Thanksgiving understands why.
4. Dividing extended school breaks in halves
You can divide winter break and other lengthy school vacations into halves, so each of you receives a continuous stretch of days with the children. The New York City Family Court’s parenting guide lists splitting each break as one of the available possibilities.
5. Celebrating on a different calendar date
Your celebration does not have to occur on the traditional calendar date. If it is your co-parent’s year for Christmas Day, you can celebrate on the 23rd or during the following weekend, and a second celebration can feel equally special to your children. You will both need to agree, so it helps to discuss the arrangement well before the season begins.
Putting your holiday arrangement in writing
Whichever approach you choose, record it in writing with exact dates, start and end times, and a clear plan for transportation between households. When you and your co-parent agree, a judge can enter the plan as a court order, and when you cannot agree, a judge establishes the schedule based on what is best for your children.
If your current plan is not working, consulting a family law attorney early may help you resolve the remaining details while there is still time before the holidays.
